


This Life That Is Not Mine

by Enina



Category: The Flash (Comics), The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, From another world, Gen, Missing home, living another's life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enina/pseuds/Enina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iris visits Barry while he reconstructs one of the stores that has been destroyed during the incident with the Singularity.</p><p>Slight spoiler warning for season 2 episode 1! Takes place sometime after episode 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Life That Is Not Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I've no idea how this came to be as I'm not really someone who writes Barry/Iris (though I like this pairing) but I liked the notion of the singularity messing things up more than what we've seen in the first episode.
> 
> Also, this story contains slight spoilers for the first episode of season two and is not edited!

* * *

Barry slows down, lets his grip on the speed force go, and eases the connection away so that he comes to a halt in the latest shop he is currently fixing up.

“You really should try to catch up on sleep.”

Iris.

He turns to her and gives the young woman a faint smile, not exactly happy to have his tranquillity broken by her again but he knows she means well.

“Yeah,” he agrees simply and pulls the working gloves off before he reaches up to rub his eyes.

It won’t be long anymore till most of the destruction in Central City is gone. There are just two handful of shops like this one left and most of them are already worked on by ordinary working crews. That leaves the bigger building and Barry is kind of looking forward to them as they would be more of a challenge and thus probably better to keep his mind occupied.

“When did you rest the last time?” Iris is now standing next to him, eying him with a very familiar worried and disapproving expression. “You know that it won’t help when you exhaust yourself in case you need to go out there as the Flash.”

He nods, turning his gaze to the boarded up window on the other side while leaning back against the counter.

“I know.”

Of course, she is right, they all are and he appreciates their concern, really...

… mostly, at least.

It is hard for him to fit into the world around him these days and connect to its people, especially those who are supposed to be close to him.

“We’ve been waiting for you at S.T.A.R. labs,” she goes on and he turns back to her, a confused frown on his face, which causes her to sigh. “We wanted to meet up and talk about how to better organize ourselves when you're out there. You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?”

“Yes.” He nods and gives her an apologetic smile, feeling guilty.

He doesn’t really like the way of how the Flash is doing things here. He doesn’t have a problem with teaming up but not like this. Usually it's Wally or Jay or even Bart...

Barry frowns, blinks a couple of times and reaches up to his temple, not really due to pain but because a slight uneasy throbbing has started behind it.

“You’re alright?” Iris comes closer and reaches up as well to, touching his skin there tentatively with the tips of her fingers. There is still such a concerned expression on her face and he can’t help but stare.

She looks so unfamiliar to him, has for a while now.

All of them do…

Joe, whose name should be Ira and who should be a scientist and not a cop...

Caitlin who should be the criminal Killer Frost and Cisco who should be the superhero Vibe...

Barry frowns and pulls away from Iris’ touch, feeling unstable, uprooted in a way that causes his skin to itch.

Iris is his wife, the one he got married too.

She is _not_ this woman.

He watches her return his frown, the familiar worry and slight impatience in her eyes, and for a moment he can see _his_ Iris. It causes a pain to shoot through his chest and he turns away. She isn’t her, never was and never will be and he wonders who _he_ is.

“Barry, what is it?” Iris steps closer and while he isn’t looking her way, he knows that she is getting really concerned now.

The problem is only that she is all wrong… or maybe _he_ is all wrong.

The world around him makes no damn sense anymore…

“I’m fine,” he finally tells her and forces himself to turn back to her with a faint attempt of a smile. “You’re right, I should rest. That’s all.”

There is doubt in her eyes and it's unsettling familiar. Iris, _his_ Iris, always knew when he was not honest with her.

“There is something else,” she tells him, holding his eyes firmly and pursing her lips slightly as she studies him.

“I’m just tired,” he replies with a shrug but doesn’t look away.

It’s fascinating, even with how very different she is, he is still able to recognize something familiar in her. Still, she is not his wife. A good person, sure, but…

Barry recalls what Harrison Well – _Eobard_ – said in that video.

_“You’ll never be happy…”_

That monster is right, even if that psychopath didn't intend those words for _him_.

He could never be happy, not here, not with those people, not when he has a family somewhere else, a world somewhere else that is really _his_. His Central City with _his Iris_.

Or maybe he is wrong.

Maybe this is his life.

Maybe he is just shortly before losing his mind...

But he knows that's not the case, he shouldn’t be here, he can _feel_ it.

He wishes the Reverse Flash was still around. There are questions he has for him, answers he needs so badly but knows that he wouldn’t be able to get them from anybody else.

Could Thawne be the reason for this?

It’s unlikely, this Thawne just wanted to get back to his future, to his own world and Barry doubts that he was powerful enough to pull something like that off.

This Reverse Flash really just wanted to get back home and, in a way, that seems to make them pretty similar right now…

“Barry,” Iris says in a low and worried voice and he blinks, focuses his attention back on her. “What’s wrong? Something is bothering you.”

Barry shifts slightly, uncertain what to tell her.

“Is it…” she starts again and he notices the conflict in her eyes as she hesitates for a second.

He understands.

“No, it’s not,” he assures her with a smile that feels shallow even though it is the truth. He hardly thinks of Henry Allen anymore. After the initial pain, the one he felt so intense because his mind was still too confused to grasp that he wasn’t actually this Henry Allen’s son, he has pretty much just… forgotten about him.

This Henry Allen is like this Iris, not really part of him or his life.

His realy father had also been in prison but he died there years ago.

Barry likes to believe that his own dad wouldn’t just have left him like this should he had succeeded in getting him out but…

This world is odd, it seems nice and bright but everything is still somehow wrong.

He wonders whether Thawne felt like this as well, whether this was the reason why he needed to get back to his world so badly.

In a way, Barry can understand him now.

It is horrible to be forced to live a life that is not yours, while you can't stop missing your own.

Or maybe he is just going mad.

It did start after the incident with the singularity, after all - the notion of something being off, the odd dreams, the flashbacks to incidents that could never have happened to this world's Barry Allen.

 _Memories_ that are _his_ …

Memories of his life.

His death.

His _rebirth_.

Maybe the singularity caused this, forced him into this other reality.

Or maybe it caused something in his brain to malfunction.

It would be definitely more plausible than believing.

Probably not, though, seeing that they’ve currently another Flash from another world speeding around in Central City as well.

He could talk to Jay, he definitely seemes nice enough, but somehow he knows that this version of his old friend wouldn’t really know how to help him either.

“I’m fine,” Barry repeats, forcing himself to let go of his train of thoughts, and makes a step away from Iris. “Just tired and I want to finish this before I rest. If there’s nothing else, I would be really grateful if you let me go back to work.”

Iris looks surprised and unsure for a moment. Then it’s replaced by annoyance though the worry about him never leaves her eyes.

“You can’t keep doing this,” she tells him, voice hard and chiding. “I understand that the last year hasn’t been easy on you but it has been the same for the rest of us as well. You can’t keep pushing us away just so that _you_ don’t get hurt again.”

Barry frowns but knows that she has a point. The problem is only that he doesn’t push them away because he doesn’t want get hurt but because he knows that this would hurt them. Very much so.

He is aware of how little he can do in this regard, though, he has been a superhero for a very long while now – _decades_ – to understand that there is always the possibility for people who are close to him to get hurt because he is in this business.

Though, if he was honest with himself, that’s not really it either...

His connection to the speed force is getting stronger each day, and the S.T.A.R. lab communication system is already on its limit to keep up with his speed even though Cisco is constantly trying to improve it. It is simply daunting to have to slow down just so that he can listen to advice that is more often than not redundant for him. They mean well but they’re still all so inexperienced and they don’t understand his powers like he does.

“I know,” he agrees quietly and watches how she slightly relaxes. “I’m sorry, it’s just hard.”

Iris gives him a warm and sympathetic smile and reaches out to cup his arm in a comforting way.

“I know, Bear,” she tells him and steps closer to hug him. He lets her and returns it lightly. “We all understand that, and you aren’t alone in this.”

She loves him, it’s obvious, like he loves his Iris, even though she tries to hide it. There is an awkwardness to them when they are around each other, and Barry knows, _remembers_ , that this hasn’t been the case before he – the _other_ he – told her about his feelings.

She doesn’t want to act on it, though, and Barry does understand it in a way as being told you are destined to marry someone can be quite daunting. What he doesn’t understand and what makes it very obvious to him that this woman may bear his Iris’ name but _isn’t_ her, is that she doesn’t want him to get over it and move on either.

He isn’t blind, he doesn’t miss the way she watches him and Patty whenever they are together. Not that she would have to worry about anything in the first place…

Barry pulls back when she finally relaxes her embrace a bit and is glad when she makes a step back again.

He would have to tell them. By now it has become quite clear that this, whatever this is, is a real problem and isn’t going away on its own again.

Things would only get more awkward and painful for anybody involved otherwise.

It is a pity that he doesn’t know the Bruce, Max, or Zatanna of this world.

Someone who could help him.

“You’ll go home and rest after you’re done here?” Iris asks and looks more at ease than before.

“I will, I promise.”

She gives him a warm smile then, and he returns it a bit easier than before.

She is a good person, not perfect but still young, and he knows that he is too hard on her. Not matter what he likes to believe, he is well aware that his Iris is also just human.

He just misses her so much…

“Thank you,” he tells her honestly and sees the relief in her dark eyes. “And sorry that I’ve forgotten about the meeting today.”

“It’s okay.” Iris assures him and turns to leave when he stops her.

"Do you think we could have a meeting tomorrow instead? There actually is something I would like to talk about with you all."

This surprises her and even though she seems both curious and worried, she nods in agrement.

"I'll ask the others, but I thinks that should be no problem."

"Thank you."

She studies him for a moment longer, and he knows that she thinks about pressing on, about asking what it is he wants to talk with them about, but, thankfully, she doesn't. Instead, she gives him another faint somewhat dissapointed smile and leaves.

Barry watches her go before he turns his attention back to the task at hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like this short one-shot!
> 
> Just to clear things up a bit, this Barry here is mostly the Barry from the old DC comic universe (pre New 52 or what they call now DC YOU) and by mostly I mean that I'm indecisive whether the TV Barry has switched places with him or whether he is just repressed.
> 
> Anyway, feel free to let me know what you think!


End file.
